The 2015 You Might Be A Redneck If… Calendar Archive: January 2015-September 09, 2015

Published September 10, 2015 by swanielwolfambrosia2010

Saturday, January 24-Sunday, January 25:  If you’ve ever stolen toilet paper, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, January 26:  If you’ve ever drunk box wine from a Pringles can, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, January 27:  If you move your trailer 50 feet so you can use your neighbor’s Wi-Fi, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, January 28:  If you remember exactly where you were when you heard Hostess had gone bankrupt, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, January 29:  If people hear your car a long time before they see it, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, January 30:  If you’ve never owned a vehicle with working windshield wipers, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, January 31-Sunday, February 1:  If you can smoke a cigarette while taking a shower, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, February 2:  If your dog + your wallet are on the chain, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, February 3:  If there’s a Nixon-Agnew sticker on your family car, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, February 4:  If you’ve yelled introductions from your toilet, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, February 5:  If Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, February 6:  If your dog was ever paraded before a jury, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, February 7-Sunday, February 8:  If your wife has a beer belly + you find it attractive, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, February 9:  If you’ve ever begun a letter with “Dearest Bubba Jr.”, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, February 10:  If going to the bathroom at night involves shoes + a flashlight, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, February 11:  If you use a Sham Wow as a doily, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, February 12:  If you regularly light your cigarettes off a stovetop burner, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, February 13:  If you were texting during your driving test, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, February 14-Sunday, February 15:  If you’ve ever been too drunk to fish, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, February 16:  If nothing on Hoarders shocks you, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, February 17:  If most of your family photos were taken by law enforcement, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, February 18:  If your only condiment on the dining room table is an economy size bottle of ketchup, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday. February 19:  If you have a dedicated “Beer Fridge” in the garage, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, February 20:  If you’ve worn a tube top to a wedding, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, February 21-Sunday, February 22:  If your sectional sofa didn’t use to be, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, February 23:  If you think the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, February 24:  If you check your tire pressure daily but never check your blood pressure, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, February 25:  If you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, February 26:  If you’ve driven over 500 miles with a deer on your hood, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, February 27:  If your belt buckle weighs more than 3 pounds, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, February 28-Sunday, March 1:  If your idea of talking during sex is “Ain’t no cars coming, baby!”, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, March 2:  If someone hits your parked car + you don’t care, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, March 3:  If you use your bath chair for company, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, March 4:  If your wife’s fur coat is her regular coat inside out, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, March 5:  If the tobacco chewers in your family aren’t just men, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, March 6:  If you hit on your marriage counselor, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, March 7-Sunday, March 8:  If you wake up with both a black eye + a hickey, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, March 9:  If the cleanest your yard gets is after a flood, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, March 10:  If your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, March 11:  If your wife’s “indoor voice” can be heard a block away, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, March 12:  If your 80 gallon trash can doubles as a table, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, March 13:  If taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, March 14-Sunday, March 15:  If there’s always dog drool + Cheetos dust on your sofa, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, March 16:  If your child’s first words were “Attention K-Mart Shoppers”, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, March 17:  If the emissions technician starts laughing as you pull up, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, March 18:  If there are half a dozen “No Hunting” signs stuffed into your truck, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, March 19:  If you bring your dog to work with you, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, March 20:  If you buy your wife tube socks at the flea market, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, March 21-Sunday, March 22:  If you wear cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, March 23:  If you name your twin sons Copen and Hagen, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, March 24:  If you’ve ever shown a picture of Dog The Bounty Hunter to your hair stylist, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, March 25: If you have a hook in your shower to hang your hat on, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, March 26:  If your dogs follow you into the restroom, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, March 27:  If you made your first slingshot from your grandma’s bra, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, March 28-Sunday, March 29:  If you consider orange peels left on the coffee table potpourri, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, March 30:  If you grow flowers in an old commode in your front yard, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, March 31:  If your driving kills more wildlife than your hunting, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, April 1:  If your toilet has been running constantly since 1996, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, April 2:  If you can’t take a bath because beer is iced down in your tub, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, April 3:  If whoever came up with “bottomless fries” had never seen your family eat, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, April 4-Sunday, April 5: If you’ve ever picked up a woman in a convenience store, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, April 6:  If you said your wedding vows while watching a football game out of the corner of your eye, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, April 7:  If you retired within a week of leaving high school, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, April 8:  If the chip on your shoulder is barbecue flavor, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, April 9:  If your hometown is an RV park, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, April 10:  If you’ve ever been passed by the vehicle you are towing, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, April 11-Sunday, April 12:  If you don’t think reading should be a requirement for high-school graduation, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, April 13:  If there are more lies than references on your resume, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, April 14:  If you can see four decades of General Motors products from your kitchen window, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, April 15:  If you’ve never owned a vehicle that would fit in a regular parking spot, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, April 16:  If your salon is also an auto parts store, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, April 17:  If your firearms collection is illegal anywhere in the world, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, April 18-Sunday, April 19: If you think The Lord of the Rings is a wrestler, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, April 20:  If you think Chanel No. 5 is what your wife watches all day, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, April 21:  If you were related to more than half the kids on your school bus, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, April 22:  If your porch swing is a tire swing, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, April 23:  If the only matching outfit you’ve ever worn was in jail, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, April 24:  If you’ve ever phoned your mama while sitting on the toilet, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, April 25-Sunday, April 26:  If your front yard doubles as a go-kart track, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, April 27:  If the only gated community you’ve ever visited was a correctional facility, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, April 28:  If your bra size has a comma in it, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, April 29:  If there is an electronic singing fish in more than 3 rooms of your house, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, April 30:  If the “Just Married” sign in your car’s rear windshield is semi-permanent, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, May 1:  If no one is wearing sleeves in your wedding photos, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, May 2-Sunday, May 3:  If the mud in your yard extends halfway across the front room, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, May 4:  If you have reserved parking at Arby’s, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, May 5:  If raccoons skip your trash can, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, May 6:  If you’ve ever used jumping cables to start your washing machine, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, May 7:  If you were born with a spork in your mouth, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, May 8:  If everyone in your family is holding a weapon, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, May 9-Sunday, May 10:  If you’ve given ammunition as a Mother’s Day gift, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, May 11:  If you’ve stared into a lava lamp for over half a day, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, May 12:  If you get a job at the dollar store for the employee discount, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, May 13:  If you carry cigarettes, a cell phone, and car keys in your bra, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, May 14:  If your first question upon being told you have 3 months to live is “Will I miss the Daytona 500?”, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, May 15:  If the smoking section is whichever one you’re sitting in, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, May 16-Sunday, May 17:  If the collar on your dog costs more than what you’re wearing, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, May 18:  If “Jiggle the Handle” is written in Sharpie on your toilet, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, May 19:  If the last time you moved your car, you + 2 neighbors were pushing it, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, May 20:  If you don’t stop arguing with your wife while answering the front door, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, May 21:  If you use White-Out to do a French manicure, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, May 22:  If you inherited a collection of stolen road signs, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, May 23-Sunday, May 24:  If you text more than you talk, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, May 25:  If your underwear is older than your wife, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, May 26:  If you always stop to inspect roadkill, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, May 27:  If you have the macaroni and cheese cooking instructions memorized, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, May 28:  If you check your lottery numbers daily but never check your credit score, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, May 29:  If your wife calls you “Daddy” but your kids don’t, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, May 30-Sunday, May 31:  If you framed your public urination citation, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, June 1:  If strangers have to help you push your car out of an intersection at lease once a week, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, June 2:  If you smelled manure during your wedding, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, June 3:  If preparing a meal means disturbing a cat, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, June 4:  If found coins form a significant portion of your income, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, June 5:  If you’ve shot a possum without getting out of bed, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, June 6-Sunday, June 7:  If you need more than one shopping cart at the thrift store, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, June 8:  If you know your wife’s bra size but not her eye color, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, June 9:  If your vanity license plate is misspelled, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, June 10:  If the person who stole your identity made a poor choice, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, June 11:  If nobody want to sit next to you at Little League games, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, June 12:  If you’ve never been arrested with a shirt on, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, June 13-Sunday, June 14:  If you think the Royal Family is Count Chocula, Burger King, + the Dukes of Hazzard, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, June 15:  If you’ve ever “borrowed” a urine sample, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, June 16:  If your pastor drives a monster truck, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, June 17:  If cutting your fingernails is a two man job, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, June 18:  If you’ve used duct tape over an old wound, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, June 19:  If the National Guard is jealous of your firearms collection, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, June 20-Sunday, June 21:  If starting your car requires another car, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, June 22:  If your plumbing gets mistaken for paranormal activity, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, June 23:  If your best jacket has a hood, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, June 24:  If you think Facebook is where the police keep their mug shots, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, June 25:  If there are spit cups at your Bible study, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, June 26:  If there’s nothing skinny about your skinny-dipping, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, June 27-Sunday, June 28:  If your deck has been mistaken for a recycling center, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, June 29:  If you’ve ever flashed your Costco card to impress a date, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, June 30:  If you refuse to eat hushpuppies because you’re a dog lover, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, July 1:  If one car leaving your driveway involves 5 being moved, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, July 2:  If someone mentions your stepdad + you reply, “Which one?”, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, July 3:  If you responded “Seriously?” during your wedding vows, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, July 4-Sunday, June 5:  If your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, July 6:  If you’ve ever mooned somebody from a Ferris wheel, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, July 7:  If every meal you eat involves something in a bun, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, July 8:  If there are bumper stickers on your coffee table, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, July 9:  If you were baptized on a Slip ‘N Slide, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, July 10:  If you’ve ever backed up a quarter mile to retrieve a stray mattress, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, July 11-Sunday, July 12:  If your place of business is towed behind your truck, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, July 13:  If the deciding factor when buying a home is its proximity to a liquor store, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, July 14:  If every window in your home is covered with muddy paw prints, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, July 15:  If the photo lab calls the police after developing your film, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, July 16:  If your car has seat covers over seat covers, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, July 17:  If your wedding cake was decorated with Cheese Whiz, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, July 18-Sunday, July 19:  If your bra doubles as a purse, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, July 20:  If the curtains in your living room are camouflage, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, July 21:  If your dream car only makes left turns, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, July 22:  If you want your Camaro + Coors Light mentioned on your headstone, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, July 23:  If any of your pets came with the house, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, July 24:  If some of the faces on you family reunion have been digitally blurred, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, July 25-Sunday, July 26:  If the gas in your riding mower was previously in your bass boat + before that in your truck, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, July 27:  If you’ve ever cleared a space in your yard for UFOs to land, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, July 28:  If you own more cars than socks, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, July 29:  If what the world sees as roadkill, you see as new boots, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, July 30:  If everything in your freezer was caught, not bought, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, July 31:  If more than one person yelled “Don’t do it!” during your wedding vows, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, August 1-Sunday, August 2:  If you make more than five bucks a week from take a penny give a penny trays, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, August 3:  If the staff in the dollar store knows you by your first name, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, August 4:  If you always to pretend to take a phone message, but never write anything down, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, August 5:  If you take more than one magazine with you to the bathroom, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, August 6:  If your beauty mark was a tick, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, August 7:  If you’ve ever applied makeup with a caulk gun, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, August 8-Sunday, August 9:  If the white lettering on your tires is in your handwriting, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, August 10:  If you’ve inflated an airbed with a leaf blower, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, August 11:  If a pest control service uses your home as a “before” photo, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, August 12:  If you pop your hood more than four times a day, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, August 13:  If you think two go the Seven Wonders of the World belong to Dolly Parton, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, August 14:  If your home contains more TVs than pens, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, August 15-Sunday, August 16:  If the wedding bouquet gave the bride a rash, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, August 17:  If you can take off your bra while driving, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, August 18:  If there are commemorative “I Survived” shirts at your family reunion, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, August 19:  If you put sugar on Frosted Flakes, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, August 20:  If you’ve ever sprained your wrist while high-fiving, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, August 21:  If your birthstone is gravel, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, August 22-Sunday, August 23:  If your “outdoor cat’ doesn’t want to be, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, August 24:  If you refer to your wedding day as “The Beginning of the End”, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, August 25:  If following your truck is hazardous in multiple ways, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, August 26:  If you select a date’s corsage to match her tattoo, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, August 27:  If you named your truck, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, August 28:  If you pawned one wedding ring to pay for another, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, August 29-Sunday, August 30:  If you pawned one wedding ring to pay for another, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, August 31:  If you’ve ever written your resume on a cocktail napkin, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, September 1:  If there’s a can holder in your shower, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, September 2:  If the dog groomer charges you double, You Might Be A Redneck.

Thursday, September 3:  If the mechanic has to sit down for a few minutes after looking under the hood of your car, You Might Be A Redneck.

Friday, September 4:  If you call your boss “Dude”, You Might Be A Redneck.

Saturday, September 5-Sunday, September 6:  If you don’t need a clean shirt to go to work, You Might Be A Redneck.

Monday, September 7:  If you’re always asked to step to one side at airport security, You Might Be A Redneck.

Tuesday, September 8:  If anyone spat out their beer when the bride said, “I do”, You Might Be A Redneck.

Wednesday, September 9:  If the pink flamingoes in your yard ceased to pink sometime in the 90s, You Might Be A Redneck.

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